Dota 2
You've probably seen those Steam reviews by players with thousands of hours in a game that they don't recommend. Maybe you think "Well that's dumb. Surely if you've played the game for so long, you must recommend it."
Right?
As of this post, I have played over 4,200 hours of Dota 2. That is over 160 days that I could have spent doing quite literally anything else. I'm not really sure if I chose Dota 2 or if Dota 2 chose me, but this is the situation that we are in, and while the relationship can get rocky at times, I'd like to think we're in a stable place. They've spoken to me on a number of occasions about having kids or maybe getting married, but I'm not sure if we're ready to go that far at the moment.
Dota 2 is a MOBA or a Multiplayer-Online-Battle-Arena, which is a term that means absolutely nothing. In reality, Dota 2 is a top down, real-time strategy game where you only control one unit. I'm a fan of RTS games, but, let's be honest, if you're playing on anything above a slightly competitive level, then it is too much. I cannot keep track of so many units and buildings and resources all at once while also thinking about The Big Tasty. It's just not going to happen. The ultimate objective for yourself and 4 other compatriots is to destroy the enemy's base on one side of the map while protecting your side from the same fate.
Dota 2 takes the concept of controlling one unit and stretches it to ridiculous levels. Just because there is only one thing to focus on, it doesn't make the game any less challenging. Items, abilities, last-hitting, farming, jungling, positioning, ganking, warding, roshing, team composition are all things fighting for space in your tiny reptile brain. I feel like Dota 2 undoubtedly proves what Charles Darwin theorised in 1859 - it overworks your brain cells to the point where only the strongest survive. Dota 2 has made me a smarter person.
So we come to the first problem with Dota 2. Dota 2's learning curve is a sheer wall. And unlike a certain bear hunt, there is no way around, through or over it. There are over 100 different units (they're called heroes, let's call them heroes from now on) in the game. Each hero has at least four different abilities that they can cast that can do things. They might make you do more damage or stun the enemy hero or, in rare cases, stun yourself. For those not in the mood for mathematics, that's over 400 unique abilities that you have to even know what they do before you can get close to competent at the game. Before you even learn the basic fundamentals of what the game is, you already have to compete with players that know exactly how much starting armour Terrorblade has (It's 10, I think?) or if that Venomancer over there can easily kill you as soon as he can see you at level 1 (he can if he's skilled Venomous Gale). Also, did I mention there are items? There are items. Over 200 of them. Think of items as abilities which are purchasable with gold that you get from killing creeps, the minions that spawn from each team's base. Each hero can have 7 items at a time.
Don't worry, you only have to know what all of these heroes can do before you even stand a chance at understanding what's going on.
Do you get it yet? We haven't even explored what you actually have to do in Dota past a few sentences and already it asks you to learn what 600 different things do. The game does an incredibly poor job at teaching you past a barebones, outdated tutorial, so you either have to have a friend willing to go through the hassle of mentoring you (I am not taking on apprentices at this time) or have more determination than a salmon going up a waterfall. This is why, despite the number of hours played, I cannot recommend this game in the same way I cannot recommend quantum mechanics or giving up McDonalds - it's just too much work for someone to reasonably expect for a hobby that is meant to be fun.
Ok. So let's say you somehow manage to breach the wall. You learn what each hero does. You learn proper item and ability builds. You learn which heroes to prioritise in team-fights, the best time to take Roshan, the fact that jungle creeps will respawn every minute so if you drag them out of their spawn boxes at the right time, you can trick the game into thinking the camp is empty so it respawns and holds double the number of creeps. Cool. What do you get out of it? Like with any high skill ceiling video game, if you are able to pull off a tricky play, your brain will respond with a good old fashioned dose of serotonin. The mechanics and balance of the game is so well tuned that these difficult situations will happen often.
There's something to be said about making a play against a real player too. The Cleric Beast doesn't have feelings. It doesn't care if it lives or dies because it isn't real. But you know for sure that there was a real person on the other end of that perfect blink you just made to escape that Magnus' Reverse Polarity. There is a huge psychological factor to the game. It's very easy to get annoyed at your mistakes and keeping a positive atmosphere can go a long way towards winning. In a not so recent update to the game, Valve decided to further out the community as psychopaths (myself included) by introducing a 'tipping' system to the game where you can tip teammates and enemies alike for making an impressive play. Of course, this was immediately hijacked into a method for bad-manner-ing the enemy team when an outplay was made. And honestly? I don't think I have much of a problem with it. I actually think more multiplayer games should do it. It's certainly reduced a lot of actual toxic chat between players and Valve seems to have leaned into this even further with features such as voice lines, place-able signs (with custom images) and even high-fives that can be done between opposing sides. This aspect of the game has caused quite a stir in the professional scene as well, with recent two time International winners (think Superbowl, but for Dota) OG using the full arsenal at their disposal to get into the minds of their opponents.
One point that I'm neglecting to mention is that Dota is a multiplayer game inhabited by the worst kinds of people: gamers. It makes me wonder how these people function outside of video games. What happens when they go to the store and the thing they want isn't in stock? "GG Sainsburys, wtf we're 2020 years into the game and you don't even have milk delet dota!!". In my travels I have met all kinds of despicable people getting mad at video games from all walks of life. Dota 2 is a team game, which means that teammates who are performing poorly can be the target of all kinds of abuse. This is probably the largest caveat I would give to people before playing - more so than learning 400 unique hero abilities. If you have a bad game, then your teammates are going to let you know. Sometimes you might not even be having a bad game, but you're losing and maybe your hero choice was a little unconventional and easy to blame. Maybe you're winning, but for some reason your teammate is just having a bad day. Valve has made recent attempts to remedy this problem by revamping its reporting system, but I still find horrible people every few games or so. I don't think it's a problem that's ever going to be solved.
Invoker is a hero that has 10 spells - you cast them by pressing lots of buttons quickly.
The other headline-grabbing aspect of Dota 2 is The International - an annual tournament hosted by Valve themselves that feature the greatest teams from around the world (And North America) competing to the tune of over $34 million dollars in prize money. While I would love to be all "Old man yells at Cloud9" about all of this, I'm a fan too. While we could talk about how it's a bit strange that none of these esports organisations seem to be making any money which potentially indicates that it's a bubble of investors throwing their capital into a bottomless pit, I cannot pass up the opportunity to watch 17-year-olds play to the level that I couldn't even fathom all while winning more money than I will ever see in my entire life. I don't get how people watch Dota without knowing how to play, but some people do, so if you don't like the idea of going through the learning process then maybe watching it is a good enough alternative.
With all of this said, Dota 2 is a game unlike any other. It is an incredibly difficult and demanding game with a horrific community to boot. But if you can get past that, and that's a big if, then you'll find a game that rewards your efforts tenfold. To put it simply - I don't think a game has made pressing buttons quickly feel this good. It's fast and stylish; a game of raw mechanics and skill. It's a game of creativity and thinking outside of the box. And sometimes - once in a blue moon - it can be a thing of beauty.